Saturday, February 5, 2011

You're either for it or against it

There are many topics that people debate over but this probably isn't the kind of debate you were thinking of. This is a great debate, one in which I have recently found myself pondering with friends, family, and co-workers. It is such a strong subject mater that there is no gray area in between sides, you're either for it or against it.

What is this controversial topic you ask? Well It's none other than...farting. If that word offends you then  feel free to insert one of these other endearing terms: passing gas, flatulence, cutting the cheese, letting Polly  out of prison, tooting, trumping, breaking wind, making wind, blowing out the candle, or any other name you prefer.

The debate isn't over what to call this natural bodily function, the debate is on whether or not you choose to toot in ear or nose shot of your spouse. Notice that I italicized and underlined the word choose. It is a choice and in the eight years that my husband and I have been together and of all the memories we have made, I still distinctly remember the day that we made the choice. I only remember it because there have been many times that I wished we had chosen differently.

So, who tooted first....Carl or I? It was Carl. He was suspiciously walking around the far side of the room pacing and I asked him, "What the hell is wrong with you?" in which he responded, "I have to...pass gas". And then it happened, a moment in which I sometimes wish I could take back. I said to him, "Go ahead, I don't care" and so it began.

You can't ever "go back" once you have made that decision and I'm okay with that...most of the time. And now  that we are open about it, I really can't imagine NOT doing it. I think of how uncomfortable people must feel sometimes  when they are with their spouse and trying to hold air. How do those people ever eat onions, broccoli, or beans? How much more embarrassing is it when one "slips"? How inconvenient is it to have to leave the room if you have to toot...knowing that your spouse knows your leaving the room just to toot? If we had to leave the room every time, we might as well live in separate rooms.

If I'm being honest, I find humor in the trumping situation and that is how I am able to cope. One of the funniest moments in our relationship history was created by gas. Carl's gas to be exact. In 2004 Carl and I took our first trip to California for the IMATS convention. We had a free day before the convention started so we decided to take a taxi to the Warner Brothers studio to take a tour. Our taxi driver was lost so he pulled over and Carl bent over the front seat to look at a map with the driver (this was before GPS systems became the norm). All  of a sudden a stench hit me in the face and I proceeded to poke Carl in the butt cheek as a sign of , "Do you smell that?". Carl promptly turned around and his face was beet red because he was trying not to laugh but he managed to point to himself as a signal that he was responsible for the odor. Within a few seconds the taxi driver, with a thick Indian accent said, "Awe, something stinks" and proceeded to roll down all  the windows. We had to use all of our will power not to bust out laughing in the  taxi, however, the second we got out and the driver pulled away we were on the side walk rolling with laughter. Literally, I could not move I was laughing so hard and had to stop dead in my tracks. We cried we laughed so hard. Even now, six year later we both get a good chuckle out of the whole experience. I even kept a card from the taxi service and put it in our scrapbook just as a reminder of that little incident. Carl loves nothing more than to leave strangers in a cloud of his stench, unfortunately, I have  also been a victim of it.

I will end this post with that story  and ask you, are you or it or against it?


  1. Oh my!!! literally laughing out loud. sooo funny!!!

  2. Whether folks do it in front of each other or not - - - EVERYONE is "for" it since it is natural and simply cannot be helped!

    So - - - toot away.

  3. Okay, this is seriously funny. I'm for it, even though my husband nearly chokes me to death with his stench. Holding it in is not healthy, so I say, let it all fly out. Mine are SBD (silent but deadly), I love to cut them in car, and wait for his reaction.

  4. For! The more the merrier.....uh....stinkier!

  5. I am so for the way if you pull this index finger I am sure you will hear a barking spider :-)

  6. Oh my...we would not be part of Bumpa's family if we did not fart...loud and clear...and then announce "HOW SWEET IT IS" or "KISS FOR YA". The first time Tim did that and told Kevin...Kiss for Ya...Kevin just about died with laughter. It's a wonderful endearment don't you think? I was the first to fart in front of Kevin...and like you makes us laugh every time...even though it was 20 years ago. Kevin and I had been dating for about a week and we were hanging out in his apartment on his waterbed and I was being a little dispondent...when he asked me "what's wrong"? AND I was in pain cause I had to fart so he was like...go ahead you do it the minute you fall asleep anyway!!!!! SO I said PULL MY FINGER and OMG...I swear I ripped one that was so lout and lasted FOREVER...we both laughed so hard. THEN we realized that his room mate was out in the living room and next thing we heard him shut his bedroom it dawned on us that his room mate had heard me FART as well. The hell with being embarassed over (consciously) farting in front of my new boyfriend...I didn't want to come out of his room until his room mate was still brings tears of laughter to our eyes. btw...Kevin is still laughing over the taxi driver RACING off ;)

  7. OMG....and Bobbi left us all smelly kisses yesterday during her visit too! Of course, her favorite is to do SBD in a store and then leave the aisle in a hurry! LMFAOWT (WT-with tears)!!! How Sweet it is indeed!

  8. That's what happens now when I eat junk food AND make me squat down in the stores looking at stuff ;)

  9. First... AWESOME post!

    Second, I am totally for it. Unfortunately, I'm the one who "poots", as C calls it, more often. He calls me Poopy McStinkbottom. But he loves me anyway. :D


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